Lowering expectations in an attempt to lessen dissappointment...

Ok.  I've decided I need to make a new plan.  The old plan which has been revised a million few times over the past 3+ years ISN'T WORKING!  I had formulated this plan when I found out that Jon had basically sold our marriage down the river in an attempt to prove a point about how...oh, fuck...I have no idea what the hell he was trying to do but lets just say we went from happily married to spending close to $10,000 in therapy.  You figure out what that means.  Oh, and when you do...please email me.

Anyways, I am DEFINITELY almost pretty sure that the reason the original plan didn't work is because of user error and not a fault in the actual plan.  I mean seriously...how could a plan that started out with the words "hibernate for 7 straight days living off of only Hagaan Daaz and peanut butter toast"....possibly have turned out so poorly? 

I swear, please remind me never to write a mission statement because CLEARLY I am not able to inspire anything more than a 3 year downslide of emotions, confidence and the ability to actually tell the difference between the top and bottom half of my body.  Seriously people...I SWEAR I had a waist.  It was just here, like....okay...so it's been awhile but I have pictures...it did exist!

I went and took a walk tonight at the park and seriously contemplated jumping over the safety railing and into the bayou.  But if it didn't result in serious bodily harm by being eaten by ravenous crocs that were just waiting for a fatty to hurl herself over the rail...all I'd have to show for my failed attempt to "end the madness" would be a short swim in freezing water followed by a walk of shame and possibly pneumonia and or flesh eating bacteria.

And thus the cycle of mediocrity would continue. 

So instead of taking the deep six I decided to bring it on home, sipping a chai and lay here in my comfy bed contemplating the meaning of my life.  I had just about resigned myself to the idea that I would make it to sleep before midnight when my hacking teenager comes strolling in talking so loud that our next door neighbors could have heard her conversation clear as a bell.  It pissed me off to no end.  Not only did my "plan" become an epic failure now my children have decided that they no longer need rules and can come and go in the house as they please, making their own bedtimes and having no regard for the fact that people have jobs that they need to get a goodnight's sleep in order to be at peak performance.  I mean, I am totally NOT talking about me because once again I fall into the unemployed and complete failure category.  But there is still Jon for us to hang our families hopes and financial dreams on.

Do you see why maybe I should REVISE the original plan to oh, I don't know...start with the words "be gainfully employed individual who sets and enforces rules and boundaries"??

But even that line seems as though I am aiming to high.  Maybe I should focus on keeping my expectations low therefore ensuring that the possibility of dissappointment is less likely.  Instead of stating that I will go to the gym 5 days a week, I should instead say that I will make a definite effort to walk to my mailbox to retrieve the mail.  Lower expectation...better chance of success. 

I think I will sleep on this and see what other winning suggestions I can come up with.  It's a lot of pressure...I hope I don't crack.

~JP

New job....take 2!

If only everything in life had a "do over" button that accompanied it.  I know for a God's honest truth that I'd be using that button ALOT!  I can think of about a dozen things I would be using it for at this exact second as I sit here typing this blog.  But this entry is about my job.  For those devout readers...you'll know that what I thought was going to be a wonderful change back in September turned into an utter nightmare in just 72 hours of employment.  What a difference 2 1/2 weeks can make. 

I originally left this job feeling that there could be a definite possibility that the insurance commissioner would come knocking on my door but now after being courted...it's been over a decade since ANYONE employer or otherwise has pursued me...I've not only taken a different perspective on this job but on my self worth.  Maybe I've still got some spunk left in me. 

The confidence that I thought had long been lost, surpressed or rather depressed out of me has risen up and made me take note in not only a career sense but in a personal sense as well.  The way that my bosses were talking to me and then asking my honest input gave me pause.  Was this really happening? Was I being "Punk'd" again??  It's not that I don't think I have merit to back up the resume I carry, but behind this funny face is a very LOW self esteem.

I've been handed more false promises in the last several months than I care to list.  I've put all in on jobs in the past and I've found myself drained to the point of severe illness.  I've been handed more lip service and words with no action behind them that I was beginning to feel like a school girl searching for her first love.  Giving all and getting nothing in return.

Then to come in a few days later to resume my job title and see that they were actually taking heed to these points lit a fire in me that while I had realized had gone out, I had not realized would flame up so big in such a short period of time.  But it hasn't been ALL seriousness with no fun.  I mean really, would it be my life if there were NO humor filled rants?  Nah...it wouldn't.

I've left the crazies of the dental world like the man who once called me to ask if it was "really bad that he used rubber cement to fix his denture" or the woman who threw a check at me because I stamped PAST DUE on her bill that had been unpaid for 6 months.  My all time favorite would have to be the man that had a past co-worker and I high tailing it out of the office in a sheer fit of terror when he threatened to come back and get even with us for "that woman making him cry" (as he makes a tear motion down his face from his eye to his chin and talking about himself in the 3rd person). 

But don't cry for me dental world.  I am now thoroughly entertained by this new facet of patient care.  It's not every day that you get a client that calls and cancels not one but two appointments because her cat seems "a little under the weather" and "really shouldn't be left alone".  Really?  REALLY??  I mean...I am a pet lover.  You know this about me.  You see the way I fawn on my Penny and the other dogs of the house.  Hell...I write more about my 4 legged children then I do about my 2 legged kids!  I've never cancelled a doctors appointment to care for my slightly under the weather pet.  And "if" I have....I would never admit it.  Because then ladies and gentleman...I truly would have achieved the last layer of crazy.  And I was really hoping that I could avoid achieving that until I was like, oh...I don't know...80!

I can't be the crazy cat lady in my 30's....it will leave me nothing to aspire to!  God...I gotta have goals people.  But the crazy cat caller hasn't been my only entertainment.  There is the client who had the last appointment of the day and was 10 minutes late.  I called to check and see if she was on her way because our office is located on a road that is under endless construction, as so many of the roads in Louisiana are, and we've had many a client delayed because they are behind a cement truck or a pavement roller.  At about 15 minutes after her appointment start time I called to check on her.  She answers and tells me that she is "on the road" and "will be there in just a few minutes".  I've learned that A) you never take their word and B) it's best to ask on which road they happen to be on and about how long do they estimate before they arrive.  This puts the ball in their court and usually will get them to pinpoint whether they will truly be able to make it in a reasonable amount of time so that we may see them or if we need to reschedule because it will leave no time for proper treatment. 

This client however was having no part of committing to anything other than entertaining me.  I asked if she was on the road that leads to our office.  No response...other than a giggle.  I didn't know that this was a joke...but whatever.  I ask about how long before she thinks she will be at the office.  Again...no immediate response and then instead of a time I get...and these are the EXACT words..."don'tcha worry babe I will be there in plenty of time for them to put their hands all over me".

Ummmmmm.....long pause of extreme unwillingness to respond to that statement. I swear to you I don't work in a brothel or one of those skeezy massage parlors. 

After uncomfortable pause I manage to compose this professional yet slightly stuttered response "well it's already close to 20 minutes into your appointment time and the office closes at 5p so we will need to reschedule you to a later date".  She sounded dejected and I think it had a lot to do with her deflation at not being able to have "their hands all over her"....ahhhh puked in my mouth a bit....but she took the next appointment on the book.

After I got off the phone.  I got up...walked away...and burst into laughter.  Seriously...I never heard that in dentistry! I mean maybe when they were on nitrous...but never when I was confirming or following up on a scheduled appointment.

So now 48 hours into "new job...take #2" I am finding my groove and learning that there is crazy no matter where you go and hey...I can fit into crazy.  I'm pretty sure I can be their leader...ya know, like if this job doesn't work out.  Seriously I was lucky enough for take #2...there certainly can't be a 3rd, right?? 

~JP