Well that is just ALL kinds of wrong...

UPDATE ON BEING THE SMELLY KID

I made it out of the shower feeling "so fresh and so clean".  Slipped into my "Colorado: How's your Aspen?" over sized (meaning it belongs to the hubby) sleep shirt and gave my hair a quick toussel with a little curl product.


I pulled back my covers on my beloved bed and hopped in.  I slid my feet down to the cool end of the bed and they landed in PISS!!!  What the fuuuuuucccckkkk?


Seriously...I didn't just bathe so that I could sink my feet into dog piss.  It seems Olivia's dog decided to take a leak in my bed as I was getting my shower ready.  I swear that damn dog is about to find her ass stuck back on that tree that we found her on.  That will teach me to dognap a self professed stray!

This is the appreciation I get??


I swear charitable acts are NOT viewed and coveted the way that they used to be.

Ugh...this just about ruined my mood to be able to partake in "Project Runway".  I need a calm, serene and more importantly NON PISS laiden bed to watch it in.

A quick strip down, febreeze, febreeze, FEBREEZE...new sheets and throw sodden ones into the wash and I am ready to kick back and relax.  I finally get my Penny and we nestle down to "make it work" with our main man Tim Gunn.

Who knew that bathing could be so damn dramatic??  Only in my life people.  Only.  In.  My.  Life.

~JP

He just called me the smelly kid...pretty lame as terms of endearment go.

So I'm sick.  Yeah, big whoop di do.  The "illness" has been going on for over a week now.  Add that crappy feeling on top of the lingering depression and you find yourself with a pretty stinky sticky situation.

Okay...I'll just put it out there.  I haven't showered.  There I said it.  Go ahead with the thunderous, in unision, mock disbelief/disgust...WHAT??  EW??  SERIOUSLY??  No shower??  AT ALL??

In all my snotted up nose and Vicks crusted ailment I really, honestly, didn't think anyone noticed my failure to remain hygienic.  I have brushed teeth, hair...washed hands and face, but when it came to showering per say...ummm, yeah...it's been a few couple days.  Okay...fine...it's been exactly 3 1/2 days since my ass has met with a shower on an intimate one on one basis.

I've just been so sick.  All I've wanted to do is sleep.  Drink water.  Pee.  Sleep.  Eat.  Sleep.  Drink hot tea.  Pee.  Pee.  Pee.  Sleep.  Ok...I'm pretty sure you get the point.

Today has honestly been the first day where I have been in the right frame of mind and not all looped out on cold medicine to trust myself alone in a shower and not require one of those bathing chairs that old people use.  I was going to venture out to soccer tonight for Han's practice.  But as the time edged closer I could feel the fever coming back, my chest was hurting and the cough.  UGH...that fucking cough!

So I took a pass and decided to stay at home.  As it is we got an email from one of the coaches that her kid (that she brought to the last practice on Monday and that a bunch of people held) has been diagnosed with hand, foot and mouth disease.  Thank god I didn't hold the child or seriously I would be in an ER with that on top of this flu-y cold'ish thingy that I've managed to catch while sequestered in my house.

As Jon was getting ready to leave with Hannah I made mention that maybe I will take a bath or shower.  Jon was ALL over that.  Of course instead of just brushing it off and walking away I have to know why it is that Jon seems so happy over the fact that I am going to bath.

His response?

"Well babe...your kind of like the smelly kid", he says with a mild chuckle.

What?  The smelly kid?? Me???

I tried to be hurt about it and then I got a whiff of myself.  DAMN...how the hell did I miss that??

Apparently having a barrier of snot between your sense of smell and the odor that is well...yourself...can really gloss over the stench that one can create just from sleeping and being sick.

I had to concede that for once Jon was correct and now I am off to delouse myself.

~JP