Saturday, February 20, 2010

My AH-Mazing FL Trip - Part 1 (aka...the first 24hrs)

Life is crazy sometimes.  My life, well it is crazy all the time.  There are 24hrs in a day...7 days in a week and 365 days in a year...all of them, for me...for the most part are C-R-A-Z-Y!  Not "crazy busy" or "crazy hectic" but "holy shit is this really happening right now" kind of craziness.

So what is one to do when life is just coming down on ya and you need to get your bearings??  Well, if you're plan a trip back home.  I had gone back and forth with the idea for awhile but then the opportunity presented itself along with free lodging and a LONG break from the new job (God bless you Louisiana and your Mardi Gras lovin self) so it was time to hit the road, literally, and make the drive down to my hometown of Clearwater, FL.

"Who packs the night before and forgets their friggin camera???"

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Excuse me Sean Payton...where's my Thank You?!?

In case you've been living under a rock or in a cave or been in a coma or in a long standing depressive state with days on end spent wrapped in your comforter you may not have heard that.....THE NEW ORLEANS SAINTS ARE SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS!

Now what you or even the most die hard Saints fan may not be aware of is that while Drew Brees was crowned MVP, it is I...yes, me...that should be getting some of that Who Dat love.  Yep.  You read that right.  While those boys in Black and Gold busted butt out on the field game after game I was also playing a very cunning and instrumental part in their journey to Super Bowl stardom. 

What was this amazing contribution you ask? 

Well...I was sleeping. 

Yep, sleeping.  Every time they hit the field for a game I would curl up, turn off the television...shut down the Facebook and slip into a Saints game day slumber.  After every snooze I would get the news that they won. 

As the wins were racked up so were my times of napping.  But then I started realizing that there were other things that I could being doing while the game was on.  So I'd run errands, talk to friends, play on the computer or find other things to occupy my time.  On those occasions....the Saints lost. 

When they play-off's came around I had a conversation with Jon and a few of my die hard Saint fan friends.  Everyone except for one of my very close girlfriends seemed to think my superstitious ritual was ridiculous and that whether I was awake or asleep would pose no bearing on the outcome.  But I decided to keep to my ritual.  Then it was the game against the Vikings.  The Saints were winning and I woke up hungry.  I made my way to the kitchen to get something to eat and meandered around the house a bit doing this or that.  The Saints began to fall behind in the score. 

It was then that Jon turned to me and said "maybe you should go lay back down".  I wanted to say "I told you so" but decided I wasn't in the mood to argue and made my way back to lay down.  I was awakened a little while later by Hannah screaming "Mom...MOM wake up...we won.  The Saints won.  They are going to the Super Bowl". 

The next thing I know Jon was making sure that I knew that I'd need to be asleep for the Super Bowl and then I started getting text and Facebook messages from my friends that knew my ritual telling me that I needed to nap on the day of the big game.  So the days ticked by and the whole city was in preparations for the Super Bowl. 

I received several invites to watch the game but turned them all down.  I even received an invite from one of my best friends who was having a birthday/Super Bowl party and I politely told her that while I wouldn't come over for the game I'd be sure to come as soon as it was over and celebrate her birthday. 

The weekend of the Pro Bowl my friend Marianne cornered me and begged for me to come to the party since it was for her birthday.  I felt torn.  While I want to make her happy, especially for her birthday, I was not going to be held responsible for the consequences should the Saints lose and I'd be awake. 

The next thing I know arrangements are being made for me to have a bed at the house of my friends that were hosting the birthday/Super Bowl party.  When the day of the game rolled around we gathered with friends out in the streets of Slidell to watch the krewe of Dionysis roll for their annual Mardi Gras parade. 
 The TPD Crew ~ Mar, Stacy & Me
At 4:30p I showed up with family in tow, sporting p.j.'s, fuzzy pink slippers and toting my pillow and ear plugs in order to take my ritualistic nap.

Me and my ceremonial sleepwear.  I'm pretty sure my kids hate me for wearing this in public.
The cup contains a margarita and is labeled "Sleepytime Juice".
As I walked into the party I was met with an equal number of appreciative and "what the hell is that person wearing" gazes.  I didn't care what anyone thought once I saw my crew of girls...

Me, Stacy, Mar, Lynne & Allison (this group is affectionately named the Wine & Nerds club)

...their greetings and hugs of appreciation for me ACTUALLY agreeing to come over and sleep through the Super Bowl was amazing.  Once I said my hello's I made my way up to Lynne's youngest daughters room and settled in to fall asleep.  The one thing I had not planned on was the DJ and the karaoke machine that would be on.  I managed to tune everything out and fall asleep for a good while but woke suddenly when a kid or a few of them slammed into a wall outside the room I was in and then I couldn't fall back to sleep with the extremely loud sound of the music from outside.

I sent a text to Jon to see what the score was and found out that the Saints were leading.  Then within the few minutes I was awake the Colts managed to take the lead.  I made a split decision and told Jon that I was gonna make a break for it and head home to my own bed.  I slipped out of the house and headed home to my comfy bed and quiet house.  As I snuggled down I got the text that the Saints had taken back the lead and then I drifted off to sleep again.

Finally, Olivia came in to say that the Saints had won and that she would really like a McFlurry.  I loaded up the car with myself, Olivia and her friend Em and took them to McDonald's before heading back to be part of the post game celebration.

When I made my way into the house you would have thought that I had been the one to score the game winning touchdown because people were hugging me and saying "thanks for sleeping".  It was hysterical.  The party went on for another few hours with singing and birthday cake for the birthday girl, Marianne and the birthday boy, Joe.  And every so often someone would walk up and hug me or just say again how much they appreciated that I slept.

Mar came up to me and told me that she had told everyone at the party that if the Saints won she would let them "motorboat" her ample bosom.  I laughed because we constantly quote "Wedding Crashers" and then asked her how many people took her up on her offer.  She said she had announced it early on in the game and in the excitement she thought everyone must have forgotten.  I then said, "well since I'm partly responsible for this win...I think I should DEFINITELY get to motorboat ya"....

What can I say except...they aren't built for speed...

...they are DEFINITELY built for comfort!

I bet that's something that Sean Payton or Drew Brees, Jeremy Shockey or even Reggie Bush (well unless Kim Kardashian was offering up this service to the team) got to be a part of. 

But as the team made their way home and met their throngs of fans at the airport and Drew took the ceremonial "I've just won the Super Bowl, so I'm going to Disney World" trip and made the circuit of talk shows and then the "Dat Tuesday" parade took place with 800,000 attendee's it became increasingly clear that the Saints weren't gonna throw any of their love my way and are hell bent on acting as if this win was ALL them.

Hmph...those unappreciative bastards!! See if I offer up this "assistance" next season!!

I guess we will just have to wait and see how they are feeling when it's time to take the field later this year.  Maybe then Sean Payton will be calling up his secret weapon. 

I'll be waiting. 

Comforter at the ready. 

And if they come to their senses and want to acknowledge my role in this years first name is spelled J-E-S-S-I-C-A and the last name is  P-E-T-T-U-S, you can find my address in the phone book and "gift's" less than $10,000 don't have to be reported to the IRS and I will take shoes in lieu of money...just sayin! 


Help....I've been sucked into the responsible anti-social vortex commonly known as "having a job"!

I'm sorry I haven't written lately.  It hasn't been for lack of interesting or funny shit happening my life.  Quite the contrary really. 

I've finally emerged from the oblivion known as "being wrapped in the depressive cocoon of my comforter" and hit the ground running.  I am finally and thankfully gainfully employed.  After months of looking, interviewing, getting a job, losing the job to RIDICULOUS circumstances (seriously, when a new employee points out your MULTIPLE insurance and HIPAA violations....ummm, yeah you may wanna heed that warning before the Insurance Commissioner comes a knockin) then interviewing again and being passed over because I am "too personable".  A full 6 months, dozen plus interviews and over 162 resumes sent I have landed a job that I didn't even know existed and was referred to by an employer that I was applying for.  She said I'd be perfect for the position that another office had just mentioned they were looking to fill for an individual that was moving out of state after 10yrs of service with their practice.  Turns out her intuition was fabulous because after one interview that lasted 3 1/2 hours, two separate observations and a working interview I was offered the position of Hygiene Coordinator for a local dental practice.

My days of sleeping, crying and farming (on FarmVille) have ceased and while I'm happy for the steady paycheck and reason to put on pants I am finding that all this "work" is leaving me little time to write or just watch endless hours of Lifetime television.  It's a tough life I lead people. 

My kids are even bitching a bit because alas, their schedules aren't of the utmost importance in my day.  Their second complaint is that since returning to work my energy level has skyrocketed and thus I am on their asses every ten seconds about why they haven't picked up this or that and why they can't just "take care of it now" and "not 10 flippin minutes from now".  This statement is usually followed by mass amounts of eye rolling and serious attitude.

It's a magical time being the parent to a tween and a teen.  Sometimes I wonder if the Prozac will ever mellow me to the point of not wanting to beat the tar out of these two when they mount the attitude express on an hourly basis.  All I can think is that I need to bask in this time period now before Hannah hits puberty and I'm flanked by two raging hormonal beings.  When that day arrives I am going to go straight to my doctor and demand a monthly revolving prescription of Xanax that will need to be taken until they both no longer reside in my home.

For now I will just keep my focus on my new job and all the fun that will be had.  That was sarcasm by the way....