Monday, August 31, 2009

Well I guess I can cross manager of future strippers off my list of things to do in life...

I really am trying to be positive and upbeat about the whole looking for a job thing.

Probably one of the only things that I am attempting to be upbeat about.

It's hard people. It's really fucking hard.

I'm getting REALLY tired of revising my resume.

I've dumbed it down about as much as I can, which (scratching my head in complete exsasperation) apparently has helped tremendously because instead of never hearing from the perspective employers that I send them out to I've actually gotten some responses.

Applause, applause, applause...yeah NOT SO MUCH!

The first response I got was from a pediatric practice.  The kiss off came as a result of me "expecting too much money."

Ummm, I don't think so jackasses. If you've been running your add for close to a month and just now had to run a new ad putting a specific salary cap on the job your trying to have filled then maybe it is YOU that has the problem.

Quality cost money people.

Also...just a little FYI...maybe if you had someone actually, oh, I don't know...interview the perspective new hire instead of using an oogy "head shot" and relying on job application that asks what your applicable hobbies are in regard to said position...then you deserve the under $9.00 hour crowd that are gonna come-a-flocking.


Next up was a voice mail. Yes, you read that right..a voicemail.

It get's better. It wasn't even a human speaking. It was an automated and not even friendly sounding computeresque woman the glibly advised me that "while we appreciate your interest in our firm after careful consideration we realize that you are over qualified for the position requested."

Wow...that one came out of left field. I've never been advised by something that closely resembles what I dream to be the wife of Mr. Moviephone that I am to over qualified for a job.

It then went on to ask me if I would like "the firm to keep my resume on file for future openings". I thought it was an okay idea..even if I didn't agree with their approach at notifying applicants I was at least grateful that I had gotten a phone call so I could cross this one off my list.

The automated voice told me to "select option #2 to save resume". I pressed the selection and it told me rather rudely, "option failed". I tried a few more (like 4) times and finally gave up after it seemed that the statement of "option failed" began to sound more and more hostile with each attempt.

It made me wonder how do they handle the ones that aren't qualified? Do they just send them back their resume's with the word FAIL written across it in red Sharpie??

Major jacklegs.

I tried really hard not to take either of those too personally and really just laughed it off. I was drunk with confidence over the fact that I had what I privately deemed to be the perfect position in mind.

It was as an Office Manager for a local dance studio. It would marry my loves of bossiness, creating memo's and dance!

Hi I'm Jessica. And you must be perfection.

This place had four things that I REALLY wanted which were:

A) the job is located less than a minute from home - I wouldn't even have to travel on any major roads to get to it

B) it was part time - it would allow me to enroll in school come the new year and not have to worry about shuffling a school and work schedule

C) it had the same holiday schedule as my kids worries for childcare come summer when Liv went to spend the summer with her dad inevitably leaving Jon and I to scramble for childcare for Han.

D) it started after the kids left for school in the morning and finished before they got out each day - plus it was only 4 days a week just like my lovely dental practice job

Honestly when I sent out my resume via email as it instructed I could almost see God winking in complete approval. Ok...actually it was Penny but I'm sure somewhere...up there...the big guy was like "you go girl"!

My children had taken lessons from this place previously so I was familiar with the owner. They enjoyed the instructors and the classes but after two years we decided to leave and go somewhere else due to the failure in the management aspect.

Well there was that and the fact that with each year they attended the recital costumes tended to get skimpier and skimpier. Let me just say that when my husband went to pick up Han's tap costume for "Whistle While You Work" from Snow White he nearly had a stroke. He thought the song was descriptive of the hoochie momma bikini top and let's just sew together the smallest swatches of fabric we can possibly get away with and call it a skirt ensemble.

Han was 4 at the time of that recital. We took NO pictures that year for fear that when they went to be developed we would be hauled in for kiddie porn.

The fact that I had seen the bottom of the barrel in regards to office help that the owner had in the past I figured my experience would bring a level of professionalism to the table. I felt as though I had this one in the bag.

The only draw back would be having to take a pay cut but the benefits to this position FAR outweighed the downside of the money.

It was brutally crushing to get the last and most recent kiss off. It came in the form of a "thanks but the positions been filled" email.

Email? Really?

The email was sent at 3:45 p.m. on Saturday.


Who the hell decides that they don't want to hire someone and then alerts them...via the middle of the day on a fucking Saturday?? Way to kill the weekend for me.

Then as if that wasn't enough the email went on to ask me if I "know of anyone that would like to apply for an instructor position please forward this email address so that they can contact our studio".

Umm..hello?? You just hired a fucking Office Manager...make them find you an instructor...don't burden the person you just turned down!

Final dagger to the heart regarding this job is that the classified ad is still in the paper for the exact position that I was passed over for.

I'm hoping that it's because she had previously paid for a certain amount of time for the ad to be run because seriously if this woman lied to me about the position being filled I may just hang myself in the shower. If I can't cut it at a dance studio that may possibly turn out the next wave of strippers to entertain the tourist down on Bourbon Street and it was deemed that I wasn't experienced enough to handle that level of greatness...well, there just aren't words to describe the deep hole of blackness that I will sink into.

Biggest jackleg yet!

The level of professionalism that I am used to having is completely lost on today's hiring society. I mean come on people. Seriously?



Today is a new day. I've brewed a fresh pot of coffee and got back to the business of job hunting.

Looked over the resume again.

Resisted the urge to take out any words that have more than 2 syllables in the hopes that I can fool someone into thinking I'm a complete idiot and therefore a perfect candidate to be hired.

I will be hot on the trail of 15 more ad's that I pulled from the classifieds yesterday.

Given the first 3 responses that I've gotten after a month of looking I'm both scared and slightly intrigued about what else may lay ahead.

Stay tuned.


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