Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Oh the pain.

Every month I get a painful reminder of how I should get my ass up and go to the gym. No it's not the increasing difficulty I have in wearing pants that have zippers and buttons. It's the automatic draft of our gym membership. It's the nagging financial reminders that motivate me the most right now. In these lean times of mommy's nervous breakdown and not making any money that we truly have to be concious of paying for something and getting nothing in return. How depressing? I really think that when you sign up for a gym membership you should automatically lose 10 lbs monthly when they withdrawl the fees. Kind of like a reward just for making the effort of thinking about working off your fat ass.

So today marked the first day of hitting the gym. Again. Yes it's a repeated endeavor that hasn't stuck yet. Here's hoping that the 27th time is the charm.

Apparently since I have been there, in early 2008...they have made some changes. The first change is they have finally realized that leaving the front open and not having someone man the desk is an open invitation to non paying individuals to come in and work out for free. No not me...but I'm just saying that if I had wanted to be smart and save some money I could have. But I am stupid and I'd like to just pay money for services that I don't use except for when I have been guilted into it by people who shall remain nameless.

The next change I noticed was a huge half walled off area that my gym buddy who I half guilted into coming with me said she called the "circle of death". To be honest I don't remember the actual name of it but after spending a grueling 15 minutes (don't laugh) rocking (yes all the equipment rocks) and lifting weights we've affectionately renamed it "Disney World of Pain". We also find it completely hysterical that there is a light that says "coached" that lights up in red on the circular sign that strangely resembles the Krispy Creme doughnut sign. Cruel? I think so. Funny? Hell yes.

We did our circuit training in the "uncoached" version which was probably best since we never made it higher than #3 on the weights and we couldn't stop laughing at our pure ineptitude when it comes to working out. We were shown up by an 80 year old man. So sad, but made us laugh even more because it reminded us of our last venture into working out together when we took a water aerobics class and we were showed up by 60 year old woman in the pool that kept telling us to go towards the shallow end so we wouldn't drown.

Finally as we went from cardio to the women's fitness room and then finally ending in the "Disney World of Pain" I noticed that they have installed flat panel televisions randomly on walls around the gym. They aren't playing television shows or the news...nope they are advertising the gym. I the only one that thinks this is completely ridiculous?

We're here.

We've got the membership.

What the fuck else do you have to sell us?

I watched it randomly throughout the close to 2 hours (yes feel free to applaud...we were quite proud of ourselves too) that we were there working out and learned absolutely nothing new about the gym other than the fact that they offer a dance class that looks a little like a rave. My gym buddy tells me that it's a lot of fun but that they are making it look way cooler than it really is.

Great they install tv's to falsely advertise classes that they offer...I fucking love this place. I've been falsely advertising myself for years.

I'm hoping that I make it back again tomorrow. I've learned in the past that planning ahead is SO NOT my method. I'm more of a fly by the seat of my depression kind of girl. Thankfully I have a partner in crime in that depth of darkness I reside in. Most women talk about going to the gym after they bring the kids to school, her and I talk about how we could most likely fit in working out at around 2 o'clock in the morning in between depressive breakdowns, eating brownie batter, planning how long we can actually go without showering and trying to rework our resume's so that we can get new jobs that we will plan to quit. God I love her!

Now that I am home and reeking of sweat I'm feeling really invigorated. I texted my husband because I felt I deserved to be congratulated for something I should have been doing for the past few years. Thankfully he obliged because if he didn't I am pretty sure I would have reverted to curling up into fetal position, covered in sweat and blaming lack of support for my reason to never return to the gym again.

Then attempt #27 would be a wash and I'd be back to stretchy pants. Full body shiver...dear God say it ain't so!


No comments:

Post a Comment