Monday, September 14, 2009

They have books for that you know?

When my kids were little...after the tiresome 3's (for some reason we didn't get terrible 2's...I'm thinking years 5 to present have MORE than made up for this) we would read them books that my MIL or my mother (one of the garage queen maven's) had gotten for them that went over manners and the basics of common courtesy.  There was one on biting, which I really wish I had gotten round about the breast feeding time.  Not because I'm looney enough to think that it would have worked to coax them from chomping on my nipples, but because I would have used it as a shield.  Think guillotine...but the baby would maintain her head and I would maintain my nipple.  Win, win situation.

Others were on choosing your words, sharing, hitting, kindness...etc.

After watching the MTV VMA's tonight it is clear that Kanye West is in need of those books.  The way that this 32 year old man behaved towards a 19 year old Taylor Swift was was fucking rude!

I sat watching with Hannah and the reaction was one of utter disgust.  Out of the mouths of babes....

Hannah:  Oh.  Oh.  Oh my, mom...MOM do you really think Taylor will win??

Me: I...

Hannah:  (unwilling to let me finish thought...have no idea where she gets this from) Mom...oh ma gawd...they are about to announce the winner!  Oh, oh ma gawd!  Do you think she will mom?  Do you??

Me:  I re.....

TV ~ Taylor Lautner announces:  "And the moon man for Best Female video goes to.....Taylor Swift."

Applause...applause...applause...Taylor Swift looking surprised in WAY too red lipstick but still beautiful.....

Hannah:  Oh, ma gawd...."why can't you belong to meeeee"(daughter singing and bopping around my bed)....

....Taylor Swift begins voice breaking speech....

Hannah:  Oh ma gawd mom, mom I love this....huh...what?? 

Me:  What the hell?? (secretly proud I didn't say fuck)

...Kanye jumps on stage mumbling some shit about Beyonce and how "Single Ladies" was the best video of all time...

Hannah:  What is his problem?  Why is he being so mean?  Mom, mom...MOM it's not his turn...tell him it's NOT HIS TURN??  Is he making her cry??

Me:  (trying to calm a very pissed 9yr old) Maybe it's just a skit...maybe she is gonna rip off her dress and reveal some little frock and her and Kanye are gonna break it down country/rap style!

I am not really believing the shit that I am trying to sell.  Unfortunately, I had a daquiri earlier and this put me completely off mom guard and I really didn't think that I was gonna have to dig deep for life leasons so I had to act quickly to explain away the douchebaggery that was taking place on my television.  I watched as my very caring and passionate child turn into someone who looks as though she is ready to commandeer my Honda, book it to NY and kick some Kanye ass!

Hannah:  Mom that doesn't look like part of the show.  Mom they wouldn't let her cry if it was part of the show...would they?

Me:  (now I am not only pissed at Kanye...I have to add MTV to my shit list because they are allowing my thin skinned baby to be hurt...if anyone is gonna fuck up this kid it's gonna be me...I call dibs damnit) No hun...I don't think it is part of the show.  I think he is just a moron.

Hannah:  Well he needs to say sorry.  You would make me say sorry.

Me:  You're right Han...if your sister was uber successful and making me a butt load of money and you got up on stage and pissed on her speech I would make you apologize.

Hannah:  Yeah.  You would.  I wouldn't mean it...but you would make me say sorry.

I decided that it was best to send her to bed after that for fear of what else may come along.  I gave her cookies first to soften the lunatic blow that Kanye dealt.  After brushed teeth she padded off to bed.

It wasn't until later that we saw that Beyonce stepped up to the classiness plate and gave her moment on the award stage to Taylor Swift to finish her earlier, rudely interrupted, acceptance speech.  I'm beginning to think that before Momma Knowles taught her girls to flaunt their Destiny Child goodies and began creating that House of Dereon clothing line which would surely require one to have thick skin, she was a purveyor of the very books we read to our own girls. 

It gives me hope that some day...years from kids will be famous well adjusted.  They will have gained millions in cold hard cash life lessons from books, people and situations.  I take comfort that for this moment at least one of them has deciphered right from wrong. 

Yes, it took a television show.  Yes, it was about a musician.

But you take your victories where you can get them.  And this is one to go down in the victory column.

Of course tomorrow it will all be washed away as one kicks on the door to the bathroom as the other stands behind it screaming, "well...YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE YOU USED MY STUFF".  When I attempt to ask what the argument is about I get a unanimous, "NOTHING" or "NEVERMIND".  Then the door opens, the sound of a slap echoes down the hallway and it ends with a slammed door.

Time to bust out the damn books again.  I think instead of making them read them over again I am just gonna slap them upside the head and hope that the lessons get in there by osmosis...kind of like that bump ap for iPhones.  We'll call this the "life ap".

If anyone knows how I can get to Kanye I'd be more than willing to put him on my "life ap list".  Think of it like aversion therapy for jacklegs.

You're welcome.

Also...I am willing to add Congressman Joe Wilson (R-SC) to my list.  I think he could use some "life ap" time as well!  It's not nice to call people...especially the President of the US...a liar!  

Just one more way I'm trying to make the world better.  Eliminating douchebag at a time!

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