Sunday, September 13, 2009

And the waffle's...shall set the truth free

If you are the parent of two or more must already know that one of  your most prevalent questions of the day will be, undoubtedly, "you like me more...right?"

Sometimes its thrown out casually as you drive down the road..."mom, please tell her I'm your favorite".

Other times it is while they are slapping and trying to get each other into a headlock in the house...."MOM....SAY I AM YOU'RE FAVORITE...SERIOUSLY...MOM SHE'S TURNING BLUE, SAY I'M YOUR FAVORITE AND I'LL LET HER LIVE.  WELL FOR TODAY AT LEAST".  Sad when you realize that I have two girls.    I swear they would take any boy down in a heartbeat IF and only if it meant I would exclaim that they are indeed my favorite.

It doesn't matter what the circumstances are you must, must, MUST resist the urge to answer this question at all cost.  Instead saying things like, "I love you both equally"..."you both have special qualities that the other doesn't have and that makes you each hold a special place in my heart".

No matter how drunk you are or how pissed you may be for any of the following offenses....
A) vomiting in your mouth when they were an infant
B) pissing in their $30 pair of sparkly shoes that they HAD TO HAVE in order to complete the princess costume for Halloween
C) being told as you sit in the carpool line to drop them off that today was the day that they were responisble for the class snack
D) that they need a song selection (and if it could include sheet music that would be super great) for school the next day and OH YEAH it's already 11pm cannot and I do repeat CAN NOT smile at them and say "have I told you lately that I love your sister best!"

As a parent you must ALWAYS remain neutral.  You are Switzerland!  You are not partial to one or the other.

No matter how much you'd love to stoop down and hug on the one that didn't make you cry over the fact that once again you had failed to provide them with the correct amount of __________(fill in the blank) it was that they needed so desperately bad that they had to come and interrupt you from watching Lifetime or a weeks worth of soap opera's from the DVR...or worse...interrupting the first sex you've had IN MONTHS....and profess to them that they are indeed your absolute favorite.  At that given moment at least.

Nope ya can't do it.  However you can listen to them profess it themselves over the most ridiculous items.

Olivia:  Waaafffflessss!  I love waffles!

Hannah:  Yeah...I know...I love'em to...that's why I got them.

Olivia:  Mmmmm....I'm gonna have waffles for breakfast!

Hannah: you're not.  They are mine.  Like...ALL MINE!

Olivia:  Seriously??

Hannah: Yep, those are mine.  Not yours.

Olivia:  Really?

Hannah:  Yep.  All mine.  Mom bought them for me.

Olivia:  But I want waffles for breakfast.

Hannah:  Sucks to be you.

Olivia:  I'm gonna ask mom if I can have some waffles.

Hannah:  Don't bother.  She said at the store that they are only for me.  Meaning....they are mine.  Not yours. 

Olivia:  ???

Hannah:  Yep, she bought me waffles.  Just for me.  That means she loves me best.

Teenager walks off in friend in tow.  Soon to be 10yr old smiles as if she's just been given $1M.

Hmmmm...somewhere between grocery freezer case and my freezer "Leggo my Eggo" turned into "Bitch step off...these frozen breakfast circles mean mom loves me best". 

It's a profound moment.

Word to other multi-child households...choose your breakfast never know what message it will send.


1 comment:

  1. omg my kids argue over that too... but it's not in the 'mom loves me more' sense... it's more like, "who ate the waffles/toaster strudels/donuts" There were nine in the box and i only ate one, so i should have 2 left! so then we have to do investigative work, ala sherlock holmes, to figure out WHO would DARE eat the extra carbs! it's insane.