Jon tried to be funny. I shut that shit down real quick. He would say, "oh it's not that bad" or "it will be over before you know it"...I was like really, REALLY...umm, hello growing a human here...this shit doesn't happen over night. It takes like 10 months and I will lose my body, my mind and my boobs will become vessels of milk and NOT pleasure! Lets not even discuss the size that my ass will become. Did I mention hemrhoids?? Oh yeah...real sexy. How's that for NOT SO BAD or IT WILL BE OVER BEFORE YOU KNOW IT?!? Why don't you try all that on for size then have to sit with your bladder full of a million gallons of water so that we can catch a glimpse of the life swimming within and then call me back jackleg!
I wanted to break Jon's neck too just for guilt by association because when she said that he was all like "yeah, just let a little out and you'll feel much better". I was almost positive that Little Miss Suzy Ultrasound had NEVER had a baby or an ultrasound because she CLEARLY HAD NO FUCKIN CLUE!
One day right at about 28 1/2 weeks I was making my way from a patients room and she was following behind me. I kept pausing every few steps, placing my hand on the wall and swaying. Before I knew it she was right beside me. She asked if I was doing okay. I waved her off with a hand saying, rather breathlessly, that I was fine. In truth I felt like poo but I didn't want to be fawned over. After politely arguing that I was indeed fine I tried to make a dash for my office but only managed a slow meander that was punctuated by painful cramps. I wasn't even completely settled back into my office before there were two nurses at my doorway. I asked if there was a record to do because my pager hadn't gone off. The nurses said that there wasn't a record but that the social worker, Tracy, had brought it to their attention that I may be contracting.
I thought they were being ridiculous and I was more than willing to argue that point if they would just wait until this excruciating pain in my abdomen subsided. They agreed that they would LOVE to hear that argument AFTER they had me strapped to a fetal heart monitor, another monitor for contractions and having the doctor check me.
I relented after two more cramps had me almost in tears. I wasn't going to be delivering at this hospital because as much as I liked these people I didn't want all my junk on display and then have to come back and work with them on a daily basis. So while I knew the docs on shift it wasn't as a patient. Within 10 minutes of being on a monitor the doctor calmly suggested that we contact my husband. Then he suggested that we contact the hospital that I would be delivering at since the NICU at the present hospital was not set up to handle a pre-term birth at this gestational age.
I went into sheer panic mode. NO ONE HAD SAID ANYTHING ABOUT DELIVERING!! Apparently it doesn't matter what you want to do...the baby has an idea that is all their own. I was contracting and dilating. Not a good combination at this early stage. They suggested an ambulance to transport me but Jon was there within minutes and the hospital was already aware I was on my way, so with the doctors consent to "go directly there...do NOT stop for any reason" we went directly to the hospital I would be delivering at.
I was crying. Jon looked like a tie between terrified and the verge of vomitting. I was afraid to call anyone whether it be family or friends because I had no idea what to expect. We had just celebrated our 1yr anniversary and now we were rushing to the hospital all movie of the week style. This was NOT part of my birth plan. Fuck we didn't even have a birth plan. We hadn't even done lamaze yet. The nursery was only partly started.
I was mentally calculating all the births that I had recorded where the baby was born at this gestational age. There were 7. I tried hard to remember what the outcome had been...I couldn't focus. Jon was saying something about how it was going to be okay...everything was going to be okay. I wanted to throw up. I was feeling angry at the fact that my body seemed to be failing me at the most important time ever. Attack of the broke down lady parts strikes again!
We pulled up to the hospital and after waiting out another contraction we made our way up to the Labor & Delivery floor.
I didn't even have to wait...I was whisked to a room and placed on what felt like a million monitors. The room filled with the sound of the baby's heart and all I could think was, "God...don't let this be the last time I hear this"...